i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
