Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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