Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
