its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize