I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
