A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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