He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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