I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
