My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
