you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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