Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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