doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
