i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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