I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
