He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
