He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
