so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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