youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
