if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
