Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
