So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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