I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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