So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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