WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
