i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
