she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
