i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
