How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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