Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
