he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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