I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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