I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
