She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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