omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it because I queefed?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
