My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
