So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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