There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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