What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
