Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
