Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
