Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
