My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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