I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
