don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
