When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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