Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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