fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
