Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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