your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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