I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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