i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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