going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
