is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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