remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
