I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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