Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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