Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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