D3 body, D1 cock
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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