I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
