What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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