Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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