Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Watching her eat just hurts me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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