we're chasing vodka with high fives
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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