If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
