currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
