you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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