it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize