I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
