Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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