Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
