Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
