And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
