Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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