once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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