High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize