Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
