I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
