you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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