Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
