This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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