and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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