Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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