I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
