Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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