why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
