found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
