he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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