i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
