will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love you.
Bad choice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize