can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
