mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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