Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
