JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
