I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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