thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
