True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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