He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
