I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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