Soap is not a condiment
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
