Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
