I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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