I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
