party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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